"Cabin Fever and Coffee" continued...
The next day I woke up early for work and, despite the 20+ inches of snowfall over the weekend, like a true Wisconsinite, laced up my boots and hit the road. I managed to maneuver my way over ruts and drifts, all the way up to the edge of my office parking lot, only to discover not a single plow had seen it for what appeared to be the entire weekend. Too much effort invested at this point to turn back, I parked in a neighboring lot and made the trek over to my building, all the while thinking of my neighbor’s snow bank incident the day before. I couldn’t help but sense that underlying that decision was an independent and adventurous spirit – not all too different from my own. A couple times over coffee the day before, my guest mentioned that she lived alone, and had done so for a long time – several years. Occasionally in our conversation, her voice would scratch and fade; she’d pause and clear her throat a couple times, until it came back. “This is what happens when long periods of time go by without anyone to talk to,” she remarked. And to think, I couldn’t handle being alone in my apartment for just three days! I settled into my desk and booted up my computer when it hit me. Dinner. I would invite her over for dinner. I’m a pretty mediocre chef, but surely I could come up with something! When I got home from work, feeling a little nervous and fearing rejection, I taped a note to her door with a dinner invitation for the following night. Call it a soft ask, but it worked! That first note was like a tiny seed that keeps growing; nourished by weekly dinners, cups of coffee, farmers markets, weekend Wal-Mart runs, many more door notes… and feathers, lots of feathers. Who knew friendships bloomed from blizzards? My mom and dad fell in love through letter writing. Both were in their mid-thirties, neither one dating or ever married before, when my dad's niece, Mona, played matchmaker and exchanged their addresses. At the time, my mom was working in Milwaukee with Mona, while my dad was dairy farming in central Wisconsin. Mona saw my mothers love of horses and my fathers love of farming, and recognized, rightly so, the potential compliment. Long story short (I really could write a book about it) my mom took to pen and paper first and what followed was a year long string of letters that lead to engagement, marriage, and well, me. Fortunately for me, they saved all their letters in an album upstairs in our farmhouse and have kept them open for reading. The window into their courtship, really the foundation of their friendship and our family unit, is something I cherish. One of my favorite letters in their correspondence is one my dad wrote to my mom where he includes the following poem, encouraging her. To this day, it encourages me.
Prayers Can't Be Answered Unless They Are Prayed Life without purpose is barren indeed, there can't be a harvest unless you plant seed. There can't be attainment unless there's a goal, and man's but a robot unless there's a soul. If we send no ships out, no ships will come in, and unless there's a contest, nobody can win. For games can't be won unless they are played, and prayers can't be answered unless they are prayed. Not just for pleasure, enjoyment or health, not just for honors and prestige and wealth. But pray for a purpose to make life worth living, and pray for the joy of unselfish giving. For great is your gladness and rich your reward, when you make your life's purpose the choice of the Lord. ~Helen Steiner Rice~ Why senior care and advocacy matters. Consider this:
Transportation. For some seniors, driving is no longer an option. This forces them to seek other means of transportation such as friends, family, buses, and paid shuttle services. Walking to and from transit stops and destinations in cities can be hazardous, time consuming, and physically demanding. Inclement weather and cancelled/delayed routes can compound the complexity for those dependent on public transit systems. Doctors Appointments. Doctor’s appointments can be stressful for anyone at any age. Seniors, in particular those living alone, are no exception. Arranging transportation to and from offices, compiling paperwork, making sense of diagnostics, test results and medications, and keeping up with subsequent payments are just some examples. Memory Loss. All the points above become even harder when memory loss is factored into the equation. Decline in memory is a fairly common part of aging. It can make navigating the interlude between independent and assisted living particularly frustrating and anxiety inducing. Technology. We live in a world inundated with technology. WiFi, smart devices, and mobile applications are everywhere and make our lives so much easier – if you have access and understanding. If you are a senior on a minimal, fixed income, or experiencing cognitive decline, you might not. Trying to understand or keep up with a technology driven landscape is, for some, another challenge of advanced aging. Loneliness/Isolation. Loss of a spouse, vocational commitments of children and extended family members, limited transportation, reduced financial security, and increased health expenses, are all factors that can contribute to loneliness and isolation for seniors. It was mid-April of 2018 and a record-breaking snowstorm was rolling in. The original plan for the weekend was supposed to be a friend's bridal brunch and wine tour. But as the weather reports became more and more menacing, the bride-to-be made the wise judgment call to reschedule festivities in favor of a later date.
With plans cancelled and snow accumulating inch-by-inch outside my apartment building, I hunkered down for what figured would be a cozy and relaxing weekend indoors. However, as Friday turned into Saturday, and Saturday turned into Sunday - "cozy" began to feel a lot more like "confined". Cabin fever was kicking in. I don't have a TV, Netflix, or Facebook. So I read. I watched YouTube videos. I listened to music. I cleaned. I called my mom. I read. I face-timed friends out of state. I face-timed friends in state. I read more. I built a tiny snowman on my balcony. I baked cookies. The latter was the red flag. I'd liken myself casually baking cookies to a cat casually going for a swim. Capable? Yes. Normal behavior? No. Feeling the space suddenly get smaller around me, I opened the door to the hallway of my apartment and propped it ajar. As I pulled the baking pan out of the oven and set it aside cool, I decided that if anyone walked past, I'd offer them a cookie. Where I live, there are two floors with individual apartments running down both sides of long halls. The rent is affordable and the building is handicap accessible – it naturally attracts a fair amount of senior residents. I was just topping off my cookies with frosting and sprinkles when a small woman with whitish grey hair and thin-framed glasses peaked in – somewhat curiously – through my open door. Starved for real human interaction, and recognizing this as a golden opportunity, I grabbed my plate of cookies and said "Hi! Would you like a cookie?" and held it out in front of me like a peace offering. Perhaps a little surprised, she smiled and timidly accepted. It didn't take long into our introductory conversation for me to realize that my visitor, though she was soft spoken, certainly wasn't shy. Sensing she was craving human interaction as much as I was, I invited her in for a cup of warm coffee with her cookie. We sat down together and, as we visited, the time went from minutes to hours. At one point, we were discussing the snowstorm outside and she recapped an incident that occurred earlier that day. She told me how she had attempted to walk outside our building in the storm and wound up caught in a snow bank! Fortunately, a Good Samaritan was passing by and was able to help her out. I listened and nodded my head in wide-eyed affirmation at the word "fortunately", trying hard not to imagine the alternate scenario, minus her rescuer. Eventually, cookies consumed, coffee cooled, and conversation wound down, so we made our way back to my open door where first met and said farewell for the day. Farewell… for the day. As I watched my newfound friend make her way slowly down the corridor and back into her apartment – something in my heart knew – it wouldn’t be the last time I'd have coffee with my company. |
Reflections, thoughts, ideas and encouragement on the journey. Archives
December 2018
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